glitter & demonology

a practical field guide

by brisss (pronounced brie)

founder of the the anti-vampire bureau

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introduction:

many people ask, “brisss, does glitter really exorcize demons?”

the answer is yes.

many people then ask, “brisss, how?”

those people are asking the wrong questions.

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chapter 1

what is a demon?

a demon is any entity that:

* causes problems

* enjoys causing problems

* refuses to elaborate

* has bad vibes

examples:

*** demons

* demons

* some vampires

* certain pickles

* yip yips

* clowns

* furbys

*** not demons

* snacks

* favorite cups

* hello panda crackers

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chapter 2

why glitter works

demons thrive in darkness.

glitter is:

* shiny

* impossible to remove

* visible from orbit

therefore:

demons hate it.

a demon can hide from a priest.

a demon cannot hide from glitter.

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chapter 3

types of glitter

fine glitter

best for:

* minor hauntings

* suspicious vibes

* awkward family gatherings

chunky glitter

best for:

* medium-strength demons

* cursed basements

* dramatic entrances

craft store glitter

military grade.

use responsibly.

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chapter 4

warning signs of demonic activity

* lights flickering

* unexplained noises

* feeling watched

* missing snacks

* somebody moved ur favorite cup

* doors creaking

* shapeshifting devil people that travel in packs without quarters then turn colors and and and never speak at the same time and offer me demonic m&ms that they try to convince me are normal then somehow turn into a colorful bat that im supposed to believe is a fairy

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chapter 5

emergency procedure

if u encounter a demon:

1. remain calm.

2. apply glitter.

3. apply more glitter.

4. wait.

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frequently asked questions

can demons become resistant to glitter?

no.

what if the glitter doesnt work?

u didnt use enough.

what if I run out of glitter?

this is why preparation is important.

what if the demon likes glitter?

congratulations.

u now have a disco.

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final thoughts

remember:

a demon may be ancient.

a demon may be powerful.

a demon may possess dark and terrible knowledge.

but at the end of the day,

it is still covered in glitter.

and thats embarrassing.

— brisss