brisss lögic

the eyebrow cover-up by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) some people say, " b r i s s s , people have eyebrows to keep sweat out of their eyes." no. think about it. have u ever actually watched sweat hit ur eyebrow and disappear. no. it keeps going. it just takes a longer way around. interesting. people say, " b r i s s s , eyebrows catch sweat." then where does it go. into ur eyes. just later. if i hire a babysitter and she brings my kid back five minutes later. she borrowed him for five minutes. i still have the kid. that didnt help me. people also say, " b r i s s s , eyebrows stop sweat." if they stop it. why do people wipe their forehead. shouldnt there just be a little puddle sitting on top of ur eyebrows forever. there isnt. where did it go. Exactly. then people say, " b r i s s s , its gravity." nobody ever asks gravity what happened...

no more jeans by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) someone recently told me, “ b r i s s s , no more jeans.” thats ok. i dont even like jeans. people keep saying, “ b r i s s s , u wear them everyday.” i dont. i have lots of other clothes too. i wear them all the time. sometimes. ive got skirts. hoodies. that fluffy jumper. the pink one. the black one. the other black one. ive worn all of those. people just happened to notice the jeans. thats not my fault. interesting. they say, “ b r i s s s , u need to wear something else.” thats fine. i have been. anyway. im not wearing jeans anymore. so i think everybodys happy now. i hope this clears things up.  

why i would make a terrible kitty    by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) one day i asked for kitty ears. they told me, “ b r i s s s , absolutely not.” thats fine. i didnt want them anyway. i started thinking about it. i wouldnt make a good kitty. people say, “ b r i s s s , cats chase laser pointers.” honestly. that sounds kind of fun. i like games. lets pretend i catch it. everybodys happy. they give me a little treat. i eat the treat. thats a nice afternoon. then everybody expects me to do a poo in a box. im not pooing in a box. interesting. people say, “ b r i s s s , cats sleep eighteen hours a day.” that actually sounds amazing. wake up. have breakfast. little nap. look out the window. little nap. stretch. little nap. i could definitely do that. i love naps. but why are they sleeping so much. they say, " b r i s s s , cats are lazy." i d...

the air scam by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) some people say, " b r i s s s what holds a car up?" the wheels. then they tell me , " b r i s s s , the wheels are full of air." no they are not. if air could hold up a car, people would be tying balloons to their hondas. interesting. air is nothing. thats why its called air. if u fill a bag with air, it weighs a bag. if u fill a tire with air, suddenly everybody acts like it became stronger than concrete. no. people say, " b r i s s s , the tire really is full of air." okay. then explain this. when a tire goes flat, everybody says, " b r i s s s ,  put more air in it." why? theres literally all of the air outside. open the little valve. done. now the tire has access to all the air. if air was really what held it up, opening the valve should let even more air in. theres literally an entire atmosphere s...

why i freestyle by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) people always ask me, " b r i s s s , why dont u use the lego building sets?" the building sets have instructions. the box of bricks lets me freestyle. some people say, " b r i s s s , the instructions help u build something better." i built a dragon once using only red bricks and one wheel. it had three heads. people said, " b r i s s s , that doesnt look like a dragon." that is because they have never seen a real dragon. i saw a documentary about rocks once. bricks are just organized rocks. the rocks came first. nobody gave them instructions. they freestyled. if rocks followed instructions, nature would be full of castles and star wars ships. nobody wants that. if i already knew what i was building before i built it, then i would already have it. that defeats the purpose of legos. some people say, " b r i s s s , thats n...

why cereal is a drink by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) people always tell me, “ b r i s s s , cereal should be eaten with a spoon.” that is inefficient. cereal is already in milk. milk is a drink. therefore cereal is a drink. people keep saying, “ b r i s s s , that doesnt make sense.” it makes perfect sense. you tilt the bowl and drink it. no spoon required. no mess on the table. no soggy cereal at the bottom because u forgot about it. some people say, “ b r i s s s , what about the big pieces?” that is what the bigger sips are for. the bowl is basically a cereal cup. we have been using it wrong this entire time. i have been drinking my cereal for months. my shirts are cleaner. my mornings are faster. people still look at me strangely when i do it in public. that is their problem. the cereal is happy. the milk is happy. i am happy. i hope this clears things up.

why fuck is useful by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) people always tell me, “ b r i s s s , u say fuck in a lot of ways.” this is true. fuck is a very useful word. it can be surprised, angry, happy, tired, or impressed. some people say, “ b r i s s s , that is not proper.” fuck is extremely proper. it always knows what it means. lesser words cannot do that. people keep asking, “ b r i s s s , can u give more examples?” i already gave them several. why do they want more? this is like when people ask me about fighting demons with glitter. they say, “ b r i s s s , how could glitter possibly work?” have u ever seen a demon covered in glitter? Exactly. fuck works the same way. it is honest and versatile. i hope this clears things up. fuck pickles .  

why vampires hate john cusack movies by b r i s s s (pronounced brie) people always tell me, " b r i s s s , vampires dont like garlic because of the smell." thats not why. vampires dont breathe. if they did, people would hear them. thats how hiding works. garlic is just easier than explaining things. john cusack movies are different. if a vampire sits through one, they stop acting like a vampire . then the other vampires get confused. nobody knows who is who anymore. this is dangerous. thats why dracula never watched one. dracula lived for hundreds of years. clearly john cusack movies have been around the entire time. he could have watched one whenever he wanted. he didnt. he knew better. interesting. some say " b r i s s s , that is strange." it isnt. i hope this clears things up.