why i would make a terrible kitty

why i would make a terrible kitty  

by brisss (pronounced brie)

one day i asked for kitty ears.

they told me, “brisss, absolutely not.”

thats fine.

i didnt want them anyway.

i started thinking about it.

i wouldnt make a good kitty.

people say, “brisss, cats chase laser pointers.”

honestly.

that sounds kind of fun.

i like games.

lets pretend i catch it.

everybodys happy.

they give me a little treat.

i eat the treat.

thats a nice afternoon.

then everybody expects me to do a poo in a box.

im not pooing in a box.

interesting.

people say, “brisss, cats sleep eighteen hours a day.”

that actually sounds amazing.

wake up.

have breakfast.

little nap.

look out the window.

little nap.

stretch.

little nap.

i could definitely do that.

i love naps.

but why are they sleeping so much.

they say, "brisss, cats are lazy."

i dont think so.

i think they’re avoiding something.

because eventually.

u have to wake up.

and somebody expects u to do a poo in a box.

im not pooing in a box.

people say, “brisss, cats get ear scratches.”

well.

this is a very strong argument.

ear scratches sound lovely.

i like when people play with my hair.

i like head scratches.

i could definitely be kitty for ear scratches.

then i started paying attention.

somebody scratches the kitty.

the kitty starts purring.

then it just.

leaves.

where is it going.

why did it leave.

its going to do a poo in a box.

im not pooing in a box.

Exactly.

people say, “brisss, cats always land on their feet.”

good.

im clumsy.

that would help me a lot.

lets say i become the greatest lander in history.

perfect every time.

everybody claps.

the crowd goes wild.

i go inside.

i have some dinner.

i have some water.

my tummy starts tummying.

well now what.

im expected to do a poo in a box.

people say, “brisss, cats have nine lives.”

interesting.

but why.

did the first one not work.

they tell me kittys are lucky.

lets see.

life one.

i dont like pooing in a box.

life two.

still dont.

life three.

im starting to think nobody is listening.

life seven.

why.

life nine.

its beginning to feel personal.

Exactly.

people now tell me, "brisss, ur only saying this because somebody wouldnt let u have kitty ears."

no.

i didnt want them anyway.

they would have looked really cute though.

i already knew exactly which ones.

the fluffy pink ones.

with the little white bits inside.

they would bounce when i walked.

i would have looked in the mirror all the time while i brushed them.

i probably would have worn them every day.

i wonder if they make matching hoodies.

or maybe tails.

actually no.

i dont want a tail.

thats too much.

just the ears.

i think everybody would have liked them.

everybody would say,

“look at brisss.”

and id say,

“i know.”

theyd probably ask where i got them.

id say,

“the kitty ear store.”

i wonder if thats a real place.

i hope so.

i would smile alot there.

no.

im still not pooing in a box.

also.

i would not wee in it either.

i hope this clears things up.