why vampires hate john cusack movies

by brisss (pronounced brie)

people always tell me, "brisss, vampires dont like garlic because of the smell."

thats not why.

vampires dont breathe.

if they did, people would hear them.

thats how hiding works.

garlic is just easier than explaining things.

john cusack movies are different.

if a vampire sits through one, they stop acting like a vampire.

then the other vampires get confused.

nobody knows who is who anymore.

this is dangerous.

thats why dracula never watched one.

dracula lived for hundreds of years.

clearly john cusack movies have been around the entire time.

he could have watched one whenever he wanted.

he didnt.

he knew better.

interesting.

some say "brisss, that is strange."

it isnt.

i hope this clears things up.