why pickles are untrustworthy

by brisss (pronounced brie)

they used to be cucumbers and i think we need to talk about that.

they’re hiding in jars. 

if theyre innocent, why are they imprisoned?

they smell like theyre up to something.

nobody craves a cucumber the way they crave a pickle. 

something happened.

they make a suspicious noise when bitten. 

thats not a food sound.

theyre wet for no reason. 

every pickle ive ever met has been wet.

they appear unexpectedly. 

u order a burger and suddenly theres a pickle involved.

u can remove a pickle from a sandwich and it still somehow wins.

they dont match anything around them.

the burger is warm. 

the pickle is cold. 

explain.

people who love pickles are way too enthusiastic about it. 

that community is hiding something.

the juice is concerning.

u never see baby pickles.

ive never seen a pickle apologize.

they always look slippery, even when they arent.

if pickles are so trustworthy, why do they need lids?

they are green in a suspicious way.

they have the energy of someone who knows a secret.

they have definitely talked about me behind my back.

they live in vinegar and seem completely fine with it.

they dont even try to blend in.

*UPDATE - THESE CAME TO ME IN MY DREAMS OMFG

the smell travels faster than the pickle itself. 

wtf?

their personal space is everyone else's face.

i hate pickles and i think we should be asking more questions.”

we need to keep an eye on them.

especially the long ones.

i hope this clears things up.